


Her Firsts

by just_makeing_it_gay_97



Series: Jackson [16]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_makeing_it_gay_97/pseuds/just_makeing_it_gay_97
Summary: Ellie isn't scared of much, she's been through enough to be unfazed. Her first experiences? They were scary.TW IN NOTEThis started off as funny, got a bit serious, ended up as a character study type thing, no I don't know how, hope you enjoy!Jackson, part 16! No tLoU2 Spoilers!
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Riley (The Last of Us)
Series: Jackson [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801531
Comments: 9
Kudos: 134





	Her Firsts

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Long one today, hope you enjoy! As always, unbetad!
> 
> ___
> 
> TW - David, and mentions of self harm in the process of chemical burns.

Ellie likes to think of herself as brave. She isn't scared of most things, soldiers? Nah. Detention? Easy enough. Firing a gun? Loud as hell, but not frightening.

The first time breaking out of the Military School in Boston? That's the first time she felt fear in a while, which seems odd, as it was mixed with insane amounts of excitement.

Riley was with her, she was clever, and Ellie wasn't exactly lacking in the skills department.

They found a shopping mall, which looked creepy in the dark, but they soon made it fun.

"Ellie, check it out!"

Said girl turned, getting a face-full of water.

"Ack- fuck you, man!"

Riley sniggered, holding the super soaker loosely in her hand as she laughed.

"Nah, that was amazing! Your face, ah, fuck me."

Tossing a second water gun at Ellie, she got ready for round two.

"Imma  _ so _ get you back!"

"Try it, puddle."

The two laughed and ran around the mall, shooting water and letting the worries of their world fall off of them.

* * *

Riley had been gone for a while, now. Almost a month, she thinks. Ellie isn't really keeping track of time anymore, spending most of her day drawing, or plotting a way to get her water guns back.

When Riley shows up, she isn't really surprised, especially when the other girl suggests they leave, to go to the mall.

_ Of course she can't stay here, she's a Firefly. _

Things seem normal, fun, until Ellie mentions having to go back. Riley looks sad, holding her hands in front of her waist.

"I… I can't come back, tomorrow. They're sending me to a new city."

Ellie doesn't know why she acts the way she does, shouting at her friend, her friend who she has feelings for, and watching as she runs off.

"Fuck- Riley!"

They make amends quickly, soaking each other with water guns and dancing on glass cases.

"Don't go."

She doesn't know why, and Ellie realises she doesn't know much. But seeing Riley nod, grabbing the necklace and tugging it off of her neck?

Well, she didn't have time to focus on the fear shooting through her brain, as next thing she knows, she's leaning forward and kissing her.

They're smiling, but the infected ruin everything.

Two firsts in one day. First kiss, and first bite.

"Let's be all poetic, and lose our minds together."

Ellie doesn't like to think about how her friend changed, leaning against her chest and listening as her heart slowed, her throat growling.

"Riley, please don't, please!"

She's sobbing, her friend was gone, snapping at her, but Ellie was still here.

Her mother's switchblade goes through Riley's temple, her body going limp on top of Ellie.

She cries for hours, and that's how Marleen finds her.

* * *

Ellie finds it interesting, how she can… what's the word Joel used? 'Compartmentalise', yeah that was it.

How she can compartmentalise her feelings.

Riley was her first kiss, her first bite, her first kill.

Joel was the first person to be like a parent. Not a nice one, he was angry, sad and lonely. Tess was friendlier, but still harsh.

Then Tess died- no, was killed, and Joel became angrier.

Ellie allows herself time to mourn her new friend, and her lost one, holding Riley's pendant in her hand as she curls onto her side, silently crying.

* * *

"Hey, Ellie? I found one 'a those… comic books you been readin'."

"Ah, cool! I'll read that later!"

Joel gives it to her as he leaves the room, smiling for the briefest of moments. She smiles back, and the two carry on to Bill's Town.

Seeing him hung upside down, shooting at infected as she tries to cut the rope is the most scared she's been in a while.

That's how Ellie comes to terms with the fact she cares about Joel, even if he won't give her a gun.

She drove a car for the first time that day.

_ Fuck you, SkelleSeer. _

* * *

When Joel falls down the elevator, Ellie realises she hasn't been alone for so long. She's scared, but doesn't let anyone see it.

There are those Hunters everywhere, people talking about some 'Tourists' nearby, laughing about how they were gunned down.

Ellie itches to do something, but she is alone, and she's never killed a  _ human _ before.

That all changes when she hears struggling, jumping down half a floor to pick up Joel's gun and to point it at the man trying to drown him.

His eyes are wide, and she doesn't even think about it. She lands two bullets in his head.

That's the first human life she's ever taken.

"Holy shit…"

Joel sits up.

"I really killed that guy, huh?"

She wants words of comfort, some kind of praise,  _ anything _ to avoid the guilt she's feeling.

"What in the hell do you think you're doin'?!"

She didn't get that from Joel.

He found her a comic later, it didn't feel the same as before.

* * *

Sam is her first friend, the first she tries to make, anyway. Riley had approached her, and was more than a friend.

Joel is too old to be a friend, but he is nicer now, more fatherly than she expected, or even he realised. He was getting on with Henry, despite their rough start.

She picks up the robot toy as the three of them leave the shop. Her hands shake as she puts it away, but she tries not to focus on it.

This was her first attempt at making a friend.

Later on in the night, watching as Henry stood and  _ left _ Joel? Ellie felt an anger she hadn't had before, making sure he saw her outrage on her face. 

"Fuck you!"

She jumped down next to Joel.

"Ellie-"

"I'm staying with you!"

Ellie decided she  _ hated _ betrayal.

* * *

"You can't swim-"

"You'll keep me afloat!"

"Ellie- No!"

"C'mon!"

"Ellie!"

This is her first time in water, her heart is racing and fear is in complete control. Joel grabs her, getting hit not moments later, knocked unconscious.

She tries, she really does, but Ellie can't swim.

Arms wrapped around them both, just when she was giving up hope. They're pulled to shore, and it's the first time Ellie wants to kiss the ground.

She resists, choosing to stand on wobbly legs and point her gun at the people behind her.

"Wait-!"

"Shit, fucking- Henry?! You left us!"

He gave her a weak smile. 

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I had to look out for my little brother."

Sam gives her a poor attempt at a smile, all wide eyes and worry.

She lowers the gun.

"Joel's gonna be pissed when he wakes up."

"Don't worry, I'll deal with your old man."

_ Old… man? _

It's the first time she doesn't correct someone, tell them  _ he _ isn't her dad.

* * *

Being separated from Joel before was scary, but now? Running with someone else who had betrayed her?

Man, that was fuckin' scary.

They slam the door behind them, he's trying to be protective, keep her safe.

A Clicker is hidden in the room, it screams and stumbles to them, grabbing his arm. She stabs it in the neck before it could kill Henry, the blood splattering over her face.

"Let's move!"

They run down the corridor, a Runner stumbles into the room, she shoots it in the head. The door slams open, Henry fires a few bullets, killing a Clicker as they all swarm in.

"Fucking  _ move, _ Henry!"

* * *

Sam looked so alike Riley, she froze. His eyes red, veins black under his skin.

Ellie couldn't make a sound, he stumbled closer, growling in a horrible way which made him  _ still _ sound like her friend.

He tripped over the robot, and that snapped her out of it.

"Sam!"

She screamed, falling through the door to Joel and Henry. Joel went for his gun, Henry shot at him.

"Stop! He's my little brother!"

"Joel!"

"Fuck it-"

He grabs for his bag, a gun goes off and Sam falls to the dusty floor.

Henry is sobbing, swaying on his feet. A whine comes from him, he locks eyes with Joel.

"Hen-"

Henry shoots himself in the head.

After everything she's been through, seeing a man, someone she  _ knew, _ kill themselves like that?

Ellie added it to the layers of shit she had to deal with. They picked up their bags and left.

She had the robot in her bag.

* * *

Betrayal from a new face was one thing, but hearing Joel talk about how he wanted her to go with Tommy? To… to leave her?

Fury found itself as tears down her face. She grabbed a horse and raced away from the water plant. 

She found a diary.

_ I wonder if he'll like this shirt, I bought it thinking of him. School starts again tomorrow, we have been talking a lot, and I hope he notices it! I gotta find the right shoes to- blagh, blagh, blagh. Is this all they had to care about?! _

She wants to slam it down, wants to let out her rage and destroy  _ something. _

Ellie can't stop reading, every detail of this possibly dead girl's life before the outbreak was right out in front of her, and she soaked it up.

Thoughts drifted to possibilities. To other worlds.

_ I could've gone to an actual school with Riley. Could've hung out without fear of Infected, or soldiers. Could've had her… been with her for longer. _

She turns a page.

_ Sam would've been my friend, still be here. We could've played football, shared comics, been kids. And Henry, he could've been the funny older brother who was super cool and drove us around in his car. _

Another page.

_ And Joel… he would've had Sarah. He'd be happy, she'd be alive. They'd never know me, or maybe they would? We could've been friends, Sarah looks nice, from the photo Maria showed me. _

She won't admit she's crying.

_ And- my mom. She'd be here, doctors could have saved her. I would have known her, not bits and pieces from random stories! _

This is the first time Ellie has allowed herself to cry.

She hears horses pull up outside the house, doesn't even need to look to know who it was.

"Ellie? Ellie!"

_ He sounds mad. _

"I'm up here!"

She wipes her eyes, and waits.

* * *

Of course Ellie had felt disappointment before, she was anything but new to it. But hearing Joel skip through the suicide recording? That hit differently.

There's light at the end of the tunnel. Salt Lake City, they can still find them!

Torches are across the building.

"Fireflies?"

"Get down!"

The bullet shaves past them, they almost escape, nearly scott free and on Callous, when some  _ asshole _ had to ruin it.

Joel is injured, badly.

Ellie has never felt fear like this, as he stumbled, blood  _ oozing _ out of his stomach, skin turning whiter than ever.

Ellie doesn't know what to do.

He falls off the horse.

Ellie doesn't know what to do.

"Joel- Joel  _ please!" _

* * *

Ellie has never been much of a healer. The most she'd seen medical wise was whenever she got injured at school.

Once she cut her knee so deep, it had to be stitched together. The nurse was terrible, his sutures coming out whenever she so much as jogged.

Riley was good, she'd shown her how to sew wounds properly, joking about cauterisation if they rip out again.

The scar on her knee was gross, but so much better thanks to her. Riley even made sure her eyebrow healed properly, saying:  _ "you'll be a lady killer when I'm done with you!" _

Ellie remembers being confused, only twelve at the time.

_ "I don't want to kill ladies!" _

Riley's laugh still rings in her ears, she sits above Joel, hands bloody and shaking. She takes a breath, mentally apologises for her lack of sterilization, and gets to work on patching him up.

An hour later, they're back in the snow. The mall of dead infected and Hunter's long behind them.

* * *

It's not Ellie's first time riding a horse, obviously. Its not even her first time avoiding gunfire on a horse.

What it is, though, is the first time she's felt a horse's heart shudder as a bullet cuts through it.

"N-no, Callous!"

She gets up, she can't help him. She runs for cover, climbing in a house to center herself.

_ Focus,  _ she thinks,  _ fucking- focus! _

She does.

* * *

She'd never broken a person's finger before, she didn't like the sound it made, in fact she wanted to gag from it. She maintains her glare, despite the fact her nose is bleeding 

She spits out blood.

"Ellie is the name of the little girl... who broke your _ fucking finger!" _

They actually look intimidated, that was new. She liked it.

* * *

She's killed before. Infected, humans.

Never has she wanted someone to die so horribly, so  _ badly _ , that she wanted to scream with the ferocity.

She thinks she is screaming. Someone grabs her.

"Get the  _ fuck  _ offa me!"

"Ellie-!"

"Get-"

"Ellie! It's me, it's okay, it's me."

"Joel…"

Ellie let herself go limp, finally feeling safe.

It's the first of many hugs she shares with him, which was how she realised she loved him.

She thinks he loves her too, with how he held her, carrying her away from the burning building, back to the house he'd women up in. Holding her tight against the cold, repeating the same sentence over and over.

"You're okay, baby girl, I gotcha."

* * *

She wakes up in the back of the car. Joel is driving.

"They've- they've actually stopped lookin' for a cure."

She shuts her eyes, rolling over so Joel doesn't see how  _ devastated _ she is.

She had a purpose, a reason to be here.

Now? Now she was back to being nothing, nothing useful. Just another person in the mass of failures that has become mankind.

She feels herself go numb, and the only time this feeling lifts, even briefly, is when they get to the hill above Jackson.

"And… that's our final stop."

She doesn't speak, but looks at the small community. They had electricity, high walls, horses coming to and from the gates.

"Are we staying here?"

"It's our home, kiddo."

_ Home. _

She's stayed places, lived on others. Never has she had somewhere to call home.

"Home… sounds nice."

Joel nods, feeling relief at the smile on her face. It's small, but the first real one he's seen since Salt Lake City.

"Let's get down there."

They walk to their new home.

* * *

Ellie doesn't know how to get on with people her age. Of course, she had Riley and Sam. But Riley approached her, and Sam was a circumstantial friend, who she truly liked.

These kids all  _ knew  _ each other, they'd been there for years, growing, learning. Ellie yearned for that kind of friendship, but she found herself being busy with the town, helping people in whatever way she could.

Joel could patrol, he'd brought her drawing supplies, as well as new music. She was in her home- that's right,  _ her home _ , listening to some when he scared her almost half to death.

Apparently the town's people think she's doing great, that feels good to know.

He plays for her, singing. He has a lovely voice.

Joel offers her the guitar, uncertain but smiling.

_ He smiles a lot, now. _

She plays guitar, and spends a lot of time learning.

* * *

Jackson has a room for younger kids, and once a week Joel asks her to go eat in there. She feels like a goldfish next to a school of great white sharks whenever she walks in.

Hoodie on, despite the heat, she heads in, quint for the food, staring at her tray and not the people around her.

The adult behind the counter offers a plate and cutlery. Ellie frowns at it, looking up at the man in a hair net.

"Erm, you forgetting somethin'?"

He huffed, pointing to the middle of the room.

"It's a buffet today. Request 'a the bosses brother, or somethin'. You gotta go get your food over by that table."

_ The table which is surrounded by kids. Fucking- god damn it, Joel. Sneaky asshole. _

She walks away, her stomach rumbling awkwardly. She takes a seat on the end, reaching for some food with intent of eating quickly and getting the fuck outta there.

"Hey, you're new aren't you?"

She pauses, looking up at the guy who stood opposite her, hair on his face showing him to be older than the others, maybe a guardian or something. Ellie swallows, shrugging.

"I guess, yeah."

The guy looks her up and down in a way that makes Ellie's skin crawl.

"Aren't you a bit hot in that hoodie?"

Ice finds its way in her stomach.

"Aren't you a bit old to be in the kid section?"

He slammed his hand on the table, an air of challenge around him.

"Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!"

He throws up a hand, ignoring the girl's shout, Ellie glances, seeing her.

Her heart skipped a beat when they locked eyes.

Frank grabbed the front of her hoodie, dragging her across the table a bit. Ellie's mind shifted, visions of the  _ last _ stranger to do that making her head throb and her breathing quicken.

"Let me tell you how things go around h-"

She punched him in the throat. He choked, letting her go, and she launched across the table, tackling him, landing on top and raining him with punches.

She doesn't know how long she's there, someone tries to pull her off, she elbows them, continuing to hit the man child.

She's crying.

"Ellie!"

_ Joel. _

He picks her up, carrying her out of the canteen.

"It's okay, baby girl. I got you."

Another voice.

"It wasn't her fault! He was threatening her!"

_ That girl. _

"Yeah! She was defending herself!"

_ A boy? _

Joel carries her home, she's having a panic attack.

"I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't think-"

"D-don't do that again, please…"

Frank dies two months later on patrol, his bruises only just healing before he got bit.

* * *

Someone knocked at the door.

No one knocks, Joel just walks in, and he's her only visitor.

She puts a long sleeved shirt on, despite how humid she feels, and opens the door.

It's the girl, and a boy next to her. They're holding hands, the sight makes her stomach ache.

"Hi! I'm Dina, this is Jesse. You're Ellie, right?"

She nods, taking her hand and shaking it.

"Yeah, you guys were-"

"Too slow to beat Frank down? Yeah, sorry about him." Jesse replies, throwing an arm around Dina's shoulders.

"He's an asshole."

Ellie agrees with a nod.

"He's a double asshole, full of shit, just laying it everywhere."

Dina snorts.

"Gross! You wanna come hang out with us?"

It's warm, she can't show her arm.

But they seem so nice.

"Yeah, gimmie a sec?"

She changes into a lighter shirt and a button up she stole from Joel. Even with the sleeves rolled up her bite is covered, and it's lighter than anything she owns.

She has a nice time with them, that night Ellie makes her first, and best, friends in Jackson.

* * *

Ellie doesn't know what she'd call this. Self Harm? Survival? Necessary?

Either way. She's here now, snuck out  _ and  _ back into Jackson for her supplies.

She's been told the weather is getting warmer, her friends have bought her story of 'a gross scar' but they're so supportive she knows they won't allow that excuse when their friend is melting opposite them.

_ It's needed. I gotta do this. _

She has three things in front of her. Two bottles, and some old leather from the stables. Her sleeve is rolled up, her bite mark still angry and red, but not at all different.

Her hands are shaking.

"Don't puss out now, Ellie."

Before she can talk herself out of it, she puts the leather in her mouth and opens the bottle of Hydrochloric Acid.

_ 1, 2- fuck it. _

She pours it over her bite.

Ellie bites the leather, almost falling from the pain. She managed to stay on her feet, teeth aching as she bites the leather. Her skin is sizzling, so is her sink from where it dropped over.

She sobs, reaches for the other bottle, knocking it from the sink.

Wide green eyes watch as it falls. She dives, catching it as she cracks her head against the toilet seat. Blood dripping down her eye she uncorks the Alkaline and pours it over her burn.

She sighs as the pain lessens, eventually stopping.

Ellie sits on the floor for a little while, eventually picking herself up and heading over to Joel's.

He was horrified, her arm bright red and white, her face bloody. He sutures the deep cut on her head, wrapping up the wound on her arm 

"Why did you do it?"

It's the first time he's spoken, his voice sounded weak.

"Survival."

He doesn't reply.

* * *

Ellie wears a tank top a week later, her friend's eyes widen in shock at the chemical burn, but they hide it well. Better than all the other people who look horrified.

Dina holds her hand a lot now, too.

She's stopped holding Jesse's.

* * *

Ellie comes home, NASA pin safely on her bag. She'd had an amazing day, she didn't want it to end.

"Hey, birthday princess!"

She gags as she turns, giving her friend a light glare.

"Gross, man! I am a birthday king, forever and always!"

Dina laughs, mock bows.

"Of course, my liege! A crown for you, good lord!"

She offers a crown, paper craft she'd made herself. Ellie felt a gasp, grinning ear to ear.

"Dude! This is amazing, thank you!"

"You're welcome, now. Invite me in before I chop your head off, or whatever they did to kings back in the good old days! I wanna hear about your trip!"

Ellie has a good night, as well as a good day.

* * *

"So he just gave you a joint?"

"Yeah! Isn't it cool?!"

The three are sitting in Dina's tree house, excited and nervous. Well, Jesse was nervous, and he voiced it.

"Wasn't this illegal before the outbreak?"

They laugh at him, before realising he wasn't joking.

"Dude, it's totally fine! Makes you relax, I think?"

They light it up, and all three almost choke to death from the thickness of the smoke. Jesse drinks from his water, sighing in relief.

"Yeah, I'm so good. You guys go ahead!"

Determination fuelling them, they finish the joint, thoroughly relaxed.

"Do we smoke this bit?"

Dina shrugged, Ellie sucked on the end of the spliff, yowling and throwing it away from her, holding her mouth.

Jesse yelped, smacking his crotch where the end had landed.

"You did that on purpose!"

"It fucking burnt me!"

Dina gasped, clicking her fingers, speaking quietly to herself.

"Stinging Rodger… best but of the spliff mate… makes sense."

They all stare like they have found clarity, but in truth this was the first time they'd been stoned. Even Jesse got some of it, from the accidental hot box they'd made in the tree house.

They all thanked Eugene the next day, and the old man had laughed.

"You know where to find me if you want any more, don't go tellin' everyone though."

He gives them another joint after their request, watching them run back to the treehouse with an amused grin.

"Aight, c'mon Jez."

He clicked, and his horse trotted through the gates.

* * *

"So… it's called a kite?"

Ellie nods, untangling the string as she steps back.

"Yeah! Franklin used one to conduct electricity in Philadelphia, June 1752! I found it in the history book you found for me!"

Joel is holding the fabric, stretched out and nervous as Ellie unravels it.

"I got you that for history!" He shouts after her, "Not… fer killing me with."

She was twenty metres back, the wind picking up.

"Okay! Do it!"

He lets out a breath he's been holding, and throws it up.

The kite flies.

Joel joins Ellie on the top of the hill, looking in the sky as she does little tricks with her creation.

"That's very cool, Ellie. You actually got it workin'."

"Are you that surprised?"

He chuckled, side eying her.

"No, just impressed is all."

Ellie shrugs.

"Well, it's not my first model. First time I've flown it with someone, though."

Warmth is in his chest, he looks up, noticing the bright colours inside. He points up at it, one hand on his hips.

"I like the bright colours, rainbow, ain't it?"

She nods, closes her eyes and speaks so fast he doesn't quite catch it.

"Come again?" He asked, Ellie releases a shuddering breath.

"I'm gay. I like girls. More than like, I don't like men at all, so-"

The kite swerves, he reaches over and steadies her hands. When it's firmly in the air, she risks a look at him. He's smiling.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm so proud of you, kiddo."

She smiles, passes him the string ends. He puts his hands up in a surrender position.

"Oh- no, I don't know how-"

"C'mon, old man. You got this!"

He takes the reins.

The kite crashes seconds later.

Ellie doesn't care, she's come out to Joel, she's proud of herself too.

* * *

Ellie thinks she's in love with her friend, she's terrified. She's never been in love before, she thinks, anyway. Nothing like this.

_ I can't ruin my friendship, she's not even gay! _

If she is, she'd never mentioned it.

She goes to Dina's house, grinning at her sister and walking to the treehouse out the back, Dina is waiting, neatly rolled spliff ready to be lit, her eyes are already red, from crying.

Ellie sits next to her, Dina leans her head on her shoulder, offering Ellie to light it.

She does, letting out a sharp breath to not have much. She holds it to her friend, grinning at her.

"Rollers rights."

Dina snorts, taking the spliff and having her drag.

"Wow, Eugene would be proud of you."

Ellie nodded, taking her turn. They sit in a kind of silence, until they finish the joint and Dina rolls it betweens her fingers.

"To Eugene, may your afterlife be as rad as your life was."

She flicks the end into a makeshift ashtray, leaning her head on Ellie's shoulder.

He had died peacefully in his sleep, ripe old age of 70 something.

_ I've never lost someone for natural reasons. Well, except for… mum. _

Ellie sobers up slightly, until Dina huffs and pulls out a second joint.

"Already?" Ellie jokes, Dina nods, lighting it again.

"He wouldn't want it any other way."

Ellie agrees.

* * *

Ellie has a crush, a really bad one. The girl, Cat, is an artist, and she's recently started offering tattoos to people.

Ellie is one of the first. Her chemical burn looks disgusting, and a tattoo would make it better.

She has a drawing in mind, Joel's moth from her guitar, leaves.

Cat draws it on her arm, she loves it.

"Wow, that'll look amazing!"

Cat agrees, the tattoo process starts, and the two girls talk.

By the end of her first session, Ellie has it all outlined, and a date with the cute artist.

* * *

"Jesse and I  _ did it _ !"

"Did… what?"

"Ellie, you're 17, not thick."

"Oh-  _ oh.  _ Oh, right, erm. Was... was it... good?"

She was physically cringing, Dina laughed, staring up at the ceiling.

"It was… okay. I was ready for more, but he wasn't yet. He's pretty, you know, big-"

Ellie gagged and sat up.

"Okay! Okay, no. He's too good a friend for me to know about his-"

"- headed. He's big headed, idiot."

"Oh." 

She lays back.

"Why do you say that?"

Dina shrugged.

"He thinks we're together, together now, and I don't know if I want that."

Ellie looked at the ceiling, too. Jealousy was a coil in her stomach, words in her mouth.

"He's a good guy, maybe you should consider it? Who else is good like him around here?"

Dina gives her a long look, rolling into her side. Ellie feels like she's looking right through her.

"Are you dating Cat?"

She wants to deny it, but she can't. Instead Ellie nods, removing her eyes from the stare-off.

"Yeah, she's nice."

Dina nods, unknowingly matching her friend's jealousy.

"Have you guys… done anything?"

Ellie shrugged.

"Some things, I think we're gonna go further though."

They weren't, Ellie didn't know where that came from.

"Oh, well. Good luck!"

Ellie grinned, and the awkwardness was gone.

* * *

Cat came over a week later, they slept together for the first time.

It was amazing, mind blowing, they did it more than once, and Ellie was excited to see her again to keep exploring, discover more of herself.

She doesn't tell Dina.

* * *

At 18 they can go out in team patrols, Ellie is paired with Jesse, Dina with an older guy called Elliott.

Their first few patrols are easy, only one Runner in total, which was taken out by Jesse.

They're talking shit on horseback when they find the tower.

"Ah, that's the new lookout. Guys before us should've cleared it out."

"Let's go see."

The guys before hadn't cleared it out. They'd died, actually, and the Stalkers were after them now.

The Stalkers are  _ fast. _ Ellie has never run this fast before. She lost Jesse, he was somewhere inside, she'd jumped out of a window, cutting her shoulder as the Infected swarmed them.

The Stalker grabbed her arm, it's grip was so strong. It twisted her arm, going straight for her neck.

Her mother's switchblade went through its temple, over and over and over.

It sighed as it went limp.

"Jesse- Jesse!"

She ran back inside, a Runner grabbed her, snapping at her neck. She pushed it off, shooting it between the eyes before running upstairs.

Two bodies were on the staircase, a Runner waiting at the top. She pushed it over the rails, bursting through the door to see Jesse in a grapple with a stalker.

"Ellie- little help?!"

"Throw it!"

Using the last bit of strength he had, Jesse shoved the Stalker off of his grip. Ellie fired two rifle shots in its head.

They shut the door behind them, finally breathing a sigh of relief.

Jesse leant up against the wall.

"You bit?"

"No, you?"

"No."

They get their breath back, and Jesse looks through the telescope. Ellie takes some water and grabs a snack, head racing.

_ That's the first Infected I've killed since Salt Lake City. Man, they're angrier. _

"So," he says, Ellie swallows her chocolate she'd been eating.

"So?"

She takes another bite.

"Do you fancy Dina or what?"

She choked, coughing violently as Jesse laughed, smacking her back.

"I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

Jesse had, in a weird way, given permission for her to ask out Dina. So, she'd asked the woman if she'd go with her to the dance that Friday.

She said yes, of course.

Ellie was full of nervousness and excitement. She thought of her first dance, herself and Riley flailing about in her dorm.

_ Dancing on top of glass cabinets. _

She looked at the robot leaning on her shelf, Riley's pendant inside its chest compartment. It was almost like she could  _ feel  _ them, wishing her luck.

The dance was a dream. Dina looked beautiful, she held her close. Everyone was staring, looking at Dina, how lovely she was, how  _ happy. _

"Maybe they're looking at you?"

Ellie is confused.

"Why? I'm no threat."

Dina was getting closer. Her eyes darting from Ellie's eyes to her lips.

She licked her own, subconsciously.

"Ellie, they should be terrified of you."

That's the first time she kisses Dina.

* * *

A year passes, Ellie is the happiest she's been in years. Dina and herself are going strong, she's reconciling with Joel, and she's in love with life again.

She's taught herself songs on the guitar, ones she wants to play one day, for Dina and their kid.

She hopes they have a kid, Jesse jokingly offered to be a doner.

_ Gross, but a good idea. _

They fall into bed, both a little baked.

"I don't wanna go on patrol tomorrowwwww."

Ellie snorts and kisses her forehead.

"Stop being grumpy, we'll have the afternoon off. We can go get something to eat. Imagine how bad Joel feels, he's been out there since 12."

Dina mumbles a response and tucks into her side.

"Fine, but I want to sleep all day after."

"Absolutely, babe."

They go to sleep, ready for their patrol as a team, and Ellie finds herself missing her friend, who was more like a father than anything else.

"Maybe we could eat at Joel's tomorrow?"

Dina nodded, kissing Ellie's collar bone.

"Sounds good babe, I'm down."

Ellie grinned, and they fell into a blissful sleep, completely innocent to how different tomorrow would make their life.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought!


End file.
